fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
