By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
