ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
