I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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