So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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