Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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