Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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