You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
