Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
