My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
