these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
