i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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