By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's always time for handjobs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
