Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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