I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
