Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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