I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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