My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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