I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
