A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
