Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
