hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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