I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
