i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The feeling are messing with the penis
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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