Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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