I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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