He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
