Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
