Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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