I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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