apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
