I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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