My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
