You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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