you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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