i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
