i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
