omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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