Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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