for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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