yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
