I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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