The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
