What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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