so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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