pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
