the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
