We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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