your thong is hanging out like whoa
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
