Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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