u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
