the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
